Self-Compassion Meditation
When a friend is struggling, you know what to say. You’d sit beside them, maybe put a hand on their shoulder, and tell them it’s okay.
When it’s you, the voice is often very different. Self-compassion meditation is a way of offering yourself the kindness you so easily give to others.
What is it?
01Self-compassion means treating yourself with warmth and understanding when things are hard, rather than criticism or blame (sometimes we are unconscious to the constant harsh thoughts we have about ourselves).
Self-compassion meditation is a short practice for those moments. You notice that you’re struggling, remind yourself you’re not the only one, and offer yourself a few kind words, often with a hand on your heart.
Researcher and teacher Dr Kristin Neff describes three parts to self-compassion: noticing your pain without drowning in it, remembering that struggle is part of being human, and being kind to yourself.
It’s different from loving-kindness meditation (also in this section), which gently widens goodwill outwards in circles. Self-compassion turns towards you, right here, in the hard moment.
It isn’t self-pity, and it isn’t letting yourself off the hook. It’s what helps you get back up.
What may it help with?
02People often come to self-compassion when their inner voice is harsh, relentless and exhausting.
Why am I so much harder on myself than on anyone else? Why does one mistake undo everything? Why does being kind to myself feel so uncomfortable?
Self-compassion is commonly explored for low self-worth, self-criticism, shame, low mood, anxiety and burnout.
If you’d like to explore compassion more deeply with support, our Compassion Focused Therapy page explains a therapy built around it.
Tags: Low self-worth · Depression · Anxiety · Burnout
How does it work?
03Self-compassion works by gently changing how you meet yourself in difficult moments.
- Noticing. Naming what’s happening (“This is hard right now”) helps you step back from the spiral just enough to see it.
- Remembering you’re not alone. Struggle can feel isolating. Remembering that everyone suffers sometimes can ease the shame that says it’s only you.
- Kindness instead of attack. Speaking to yourself warmly, rather than critically, can help your body settle. A hand on the heart, or a soft tone, can be surprisingly soothing.
- Practice makes it more natural. For many people, self-criticism is a well-worn habit. Each time you practise kindness, you strengthen a new one.
What does the evidence say?
04Self-compassion has a growing body of research behind it, including from right here in Australia.
A 2019 review of 27 randomised trials, led by Australian researchers, found self-compassion practices improved self-compassion and reduced stress, depression, anxiety, rumination and self-criticism. Improvements in depression continued to grow after the programs ended. The practices varied a lot from study to study, which makes it harder to say exactly which ones help most. [1]
A 2026 review of 11 trials with university students found self-compassion practices reduced both anxiety and depression. [2]
Many people describe self-compassion as one of the most quietly powerful changes they’ve made. It can take practice, especially if being hard on yourself has felt normal for a long time.
How to practise
05Try this: a self-compassion break
This short practice is adapted from Dr Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Break. You can use it any time you notice you’re struggling.
- Think of something that’s troubling you right now. Start with something small to medium, not the hardest thing in your life.
- Notice where you feel it in your body: perhaps a tight chest, a heavy stomach, a clenched jaw.
- Gently say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering.” Or simply, “This hurts,” or “This is hard.”
- Then: “Suffering is a part of life.” Or “I’m not alone,” or “Everyone struggles sometimes.”
- Place one or both hands over your heart, and feel their warmth.
- Say: “May I be kind to myself.” Or choose words that fit what you need: “May I accept myself as I am.” “May I be patient.” “May I forgive myself.”
- Stay here for a few breaths, letting the kindness land, however slight it feels.
If the words feel awkward, try asking yourself: “What would I say to a friend who felt like this?” Then say that to yourself.
Finding a guided version
Guided self-compassion meditations are easy to find online. Search for “guided self-compassion meditation” or “self-compassion break” and try a few. Dr Kristin Neff’s website, self-compassion.org, has free guided practices.
Going further
Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) is an eight-week course developed by Dr Kristin Neff and Dr Christopher Germer, offered in person and online.
Considerations
06It may feel strange at first. If you’re used to criticising yourself, kindness can feel uncomfortable, even fake. That’s very common. Keep going gently.
Tears are okay. Kindness can sometimes bring up sadness, especially if you didn’t receive much of it growing up. Let the feelings be there, and pause if you need to.
Start small. Practise with everyday frustrations before turning towards bigger pain.
Find your own words. The phrases are suggestions. Words that feel true to you will land better than words that feel borrowed.
Touch is optional. If a hand on your heart doesn’t feel right, try your cheek, your arm or simply resting your hands in your lap.
You’ve read about it. Now what can you actually do?
You don’t need to have the perfect plan. Choose the next step that feels most useful for where you are right now.
Always speak with a qualified health professional before starting something new. If you are struggling right now, find immediate support.
Want to keep exploring?
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This is educational information. It is not a recommendation that this approach is right for you. Always speak with a qualified health professional.
