Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)
Some days the world feels sharp. People feel distant. And the voice inside your own head can be the harshest of all.
Loving-kindness meditation is a quiet practice of offering warmth, first to yourself, then gradually outward. It doesn’t ask you to feel loving straight away. It simply invites you to wish people well, and see what grows.
What is it?
01Loving-kindness meditation, also called metta, comes from Buddhist tradition. “Metta” is a Pali word often translated as loving-kindness or friendliness.
In this practice, you silently repeat a few kind wishes, such as “May I be safe. May I be well.” You offer them to yourself, and then, little by little, to others: someone you love, someone you barely know, someone who’s difficult for you, and finally everyone, everywhere.
Self-compassion meditation (also in this tile) focuses on meeting your own pain in a hard moment. Loving-kindness is wider. It’s about gently growing goodwill, in circles, until it reaches beyond you.
You don’t need to feel anything in particular for it to count. Some days the words will feel warm. Other days they’ll feel like just words. Both are part of it.
What may it help with?
02People often come to loving-kindness when they feel hard on themselves, disconnected from others, or worn down by stress and frustration.
Why am I so critical of myself? Why do I feel so cut off from people? How do I let go of resentment that keeps me stuck?
Loving-kindness is commonly explored for low self-worth, low mood, feeling disconnected and stress, including the stress that builds in caring and helping roles.
Tags: Low self-worth · Depression · Feeling disconnected · Stress
How does it work?
03Loving-kindness works on the tone of your inner voice, and on how connected you feel to others.
- Practising warmth on purpose. Much of our inner dialogue is automatic and critical. Repeating kind phrases gives your mind a new, gentler habit to practise.
- Starting where it’s easiest. You begin with someone it feels natural to love, then let that feeling stretch further.
- Softening the edges. Offering goodwill to a stranger, or someone difficult, can gently loosen the grip of judgement and resentment. Not because what happened was okay, but because carrying it is heavy.
- Feeling connected. Wishing everyone well, including yourself, can remind you that you belong to something bigger.
“Metta is the ability to embrace all parts of ourselves, as well as all parts of the world.”
Sharon Salzberg, Lovingkindness
What does the evidence say?
04Loving-kindness and compassion meditations have a growing body of research behind them.
A 2014 review of 22 randomised trials found these kindness-based meditations moderately reduced depression, and increased mindfulness, compassion and self-compassion, compared with doing nothing. They also increased positive emotions more than a relaxation practice did. Results against other active practices were less clear, and the authors noted the practice can feel challenging for some people at first. [1]
A 2020 review of 21 randomised trials, looking at loving-kindness and related practices from the same tradition, found they reduced symptoms of depression. [2]
In the workplace, a 2023 review of 21 trials found loving-kindness and compassion meditations reduced stress and burnout, and improved self-compassion and relationships with others. [3]
The research is still growing, and many studies are small. For many people, though, this is the practice that changes the way they speak to themselves.
How to practise
05Try this: ten minutes of loving-kindness
- Sit or lie comfortably. Close your eyes, or rest your gaze softly. Take a few slow breaths.
- Begin with yourself. Silently repeat: “May I be safe. May I be well. May I be at ease. May I be kind to myself.” Say the words slowly, letting them land. If it helps, place a hand on your heart.
- Someone you love. Bring to mind someone who makes you smile: a friend, a child, a grandparent, even a pet. Offer them the same wishes: “May you be safe. May you be well…”
- Someone neutral. Think of someone you see but don’t really know, like the person at the café counter. Offer them the same wishes.
- Someone difficult. If you feel ready, bring to mind someone you find challenging. Start with someone mildly annoying, not the person who hurt you most. That one can wait. Offer the wishes, even if the words feel stiff.
- Everyone. Let the wishes widen to everyone, everywhere: “May all beings be safe. May all beings be well.”
- Rest for a moment, notice how you feel, and gently open your eyes.
You can use your own words. “May I feel loved.” “May you find peace.” Choose phrases that feel true to you.
Finding a guided version
Guided loving-kindness meditations are easy to find online. Search for “guided loving-kindness meditation” or “metta meditation” and try a few until one feels right. Some take five minutes, others half an hour.
Considerations
06Start with whoever feels easiest. If offering kindness to yourself feels hard, and for many people it does, begin with someone you love, then come back to yourself later.
It’s okay if you feel nothing. Warmth often grows slowly. The intention matters more than the feeling.
Uncomfortable feelings can surface. Kindness can sometimes bring up sadness, or grief for care you needed and didn’t receive. That’s understandable. Be gentle, and pause if you need to.
Skip the difficult person for now. You never have to include someone who has harmed you. This practice is about your peace, not about excusing anyone.
Little and often. A few kind phrases in the car or before sleep can be just as meaningful as a long sit.
You’ve read about it. Now what can you actually do?
You don’t need to have the perfect plan. Choose the next step that feels most useful for where you are right now.
Always speak with a qualified health professional before starting something new. If you are struggling right now, find immediate support.
Want to keep exploring?
Recommended articles, books, podcasts and lived experiences related to this topic.
Explore the LibraryRelated Tools
This is educational information. It is not a recommendation that this approach is right for you. Always speak with a qualified health professional.
