Recognising Anxiety

• Shallow, fast breathing from the chest

• A tight stomach, nausea or a churning gut

• A racing heart, tight chest or trouble catching your breath

• Tense shoulders, a clenched jaw, headaches

• Feeling shaky, hot or restless

• Waking up already on alert or feeling anxious before you’re even properly awake

Anxiety in the body can feel frightening, especially the first time. Many people end up in an emergency department convinced something is seriously wrong with their heart.

Sometimes anxiety is easiest to recognise in the things you do to feel safer or get through the day:

• Avoiding places, people, phone calls or situations that feel overwhelming

• Over-preparing, repeatedly checking or needing everything to be under control

• Seeking reassurance, but struggling to hold on to the relief it brings

• People-pleasing because the thought of upsetting someone feels unbearable

• Staying busy so you don’t have to sit with what you feel

• Reaching for alcohol, endless scrolling or something else to take the edge off

These ways of coping make sense. They can bring relief in the moment. But some can become patterns that keep fear in charge and gradually make your world smaller. Recognising them is an opportunity to understand what you need, with compassion rather than judgement.

Anxiety doesn’t always look like panic. Sometimes you feel frightened inside and unable to move on the outside.

You stare at a task you need to do but can’t begin. Your mind goes blank in a conversation. You withdraw, feel numb or disconnected, or lie on the couch desperately wanting to get up while everything feels impossible.

Overwhelming fear can leave you feeling frozen or shut down. The gap between wanting to act and feeling able to can be deeply distressing. It isn’t a measure of your effort or character.

These experiences can also overlap with trauma, depression, dissociation, exhaustion or other health concerns. Understanding what’s happening matters, especially when it’s persistent or affecting your ability to care for yourself.

Children don’t always have the words to explain anxiety. Sometimes their bodies and behaviour tell the story:

• Tummy aches or headaches, especially before school or unfamiliar situations

• Clinginess or distress around separation

• Tears, anger or emotional outbursts

• Trouble falling asleep or frequent nightmares

• Avoiding school, parties, sport or new experiences

• Asking the same worried questions, even after reassurance

Before calling a child shy, naughty or dramatic, it helps to get curious about what might be happening underneath. Physical symptoms deserve attention too, rather than being automatically put down to worry.

You don’t have to fix everything at once. Start by helping them feel heard: “I can see this feels hard. Can you tell me what you’re worried about?” Sometimes connection comes more easily while drawing, playing or walking together.

Help them take small, manageable steps towards things they fear, with support and without forcing them into overwhelming situations. Simple, age-appropriate tools can become games: noticing sounds around them, feeling their feet on the ground or practising gentle, comfortable breathing together.

If anxiety is affecting their sleep, school, friendships or family life, or isn’t easing, a child psychologist or doctor can help. Their school can also be part of that support.

You don’t need to wait until you can no longer cope. If anxiety is shaping your relationships, disturbing your sleep or limiting how you live, that is reason enough to seek support.

Look for a qualified professional who listens and considers the whole picture. This might be a psychologist, a doctor or a registered medical practitioner with an integrative approach, exploring your emotional experiences alongside sleep, physical health, medications and everyday pressures.

Medication can help some people, but very often over time you need other pathways too. Therapy, practical tools, supportive relationships and changes to your circumstances may all have a place.

Alongside asking “How can I feel better?”, there is room to ask “What is contributing to this, and what do I need?”

There may be several answers rather than one clear cause. You deserve support that helps you find relief now while understanding and addressing what may be keeping the anxiety going.